Sound Wisdom
by Mimicking Karma
Summary: OneShot In which Orochimaru leaves Sasuke in the capable hands of Kabuto, who proceeds to teach him what he believes to be the most important thing Sasuke could ever learn when defending himself against Konoha. OOCness on Kabuto's part. Rated T for langua


**Sound Wisdom **

Kabuto waited in respectful silence for Orochimaru to finish speaking with Sasuke. He knew before what the snake Sennin was going to tell Sasuke, and he had sufficient time to loudly protest...mentally, at least.

"...not want you to lose your edge while I'm otherwise occupied. Kabuto is the prime candidate to take over your training while I'm not here. He will be able to teach you from a medical point of view, which will increase your advantages in battle."

A quick and uninterested glance in Kabuto's general direction made it obvious that the Uchiha was not pleased to be paired with him.

_Well, you're no Orochimaru yourself, _Kabuto told Sasuke off. He forced a small smile on his face when Orochimaru looked to him.

"I trust the arrangement to be to both your likings," he said, in a tone that warned he really did not care either way. Both Kabuto and Sasuke nodded. Lies.

"Well then. I have things to see, and people to do," Orochimaru added as an afterthought, "much harm to." He licked his lips and glanced back at Sasuke, thoughts lingering on 'people to do'.

"I expect some improvement when I return," he told Kabuto without looking away from Sasuke.

"Of course, Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto bowed his head, then glanced up at him. "Is there anything particular you'd like me to teach him?"

He refrained from saying Sasuke's name; the boy had proven to be the persistent thorn in his side, and he momentarily entertained the idea of teaching one of his more fatal medical jutsu.

_Wonder if he knows the effect of hemlock as a liquid..._Kabuto snapped back to attention as Orochimaru answered him.

"Teach him what you consider to be most relevant. Useful."

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama."

Another nod, pink tongue sweeping out to moisten lips. "I'll be back within two days' time." Then his gaze hardened as he looked fully at Kabuto.

"An _improvement, _Kabuto."

The air became colder, and Orochimaru faded from sight, his cold yellow eyes staring even as the rest of him disappeared.

And that was how Sasuke and Kabuto came to be alone.

-

_Damn idiot, _Sasuke grumbled mentally as he half-listened to Orochimaru's words. _Goes through all this trouble to get me here, then saddles me off to some second-rate medic nin. I hate him._

Sasuke struggled to keep his rising temper in check. Orochimaru was leaving him for two days in the hands of Four-Eyes? Somehow this was not how he had envisioned his time at Sound.

After his arrival nearly three months ago, Sasuke had almost immediately begun learning Orochimaru's tricks of the trade. Advanced fire jutsu, wind and water jutsu, even a few sound jutsu just to add some variety to the mix.

With every jutsu learned, or copied with his Sharingan, Sasuke had felt the curse mark grow with power. He loved the feeling of it coursing through him, saturating him as thoroughly as a walk under a waterfall. He adored the knowledge that he could kill many at Sound, with the exception of Orochimaru, of course.

Maybe Kabuto. And those surly looking shinobi that constantly lurked around Orochimaru's general presence. Like damn leeches.

While Sasuke had been taught the occasional forbidden jutsu (his vast compendium of knowledge was at the current count of three), he had found his thoughts stray to Naruto. His...oh blast, what did he call it? 'Sexy no Jutsu'.

This was not a good thought to be running round in his mind as Orochimaru had been explaining the contract he was to sign with the snakes. He'd had to fight to keep a snort and a smirk down as pictures of 'Orochimary' danced and flaunted themselves. To look up and see Orochimaru glaring at him with disappointment made him think of a pouting girl, and realize that no, Orochimaru didn't really look like a man at all.

Sasuke had cursed Naruto and his stupid parlour tricks as he tried to heal the two broken ribs he'd received in answer to his 'disrespect'. Sadly the images of 'Orochimary' had yet to leave his head. Stupid, stupid Naruto.

Now Sasuke lifted an impatient eyebrow at Kabuto, who was still standing where he had been when his beloved Orochimaru-_sama _left. He had a pained expression on his face, and Sasuke wondered if he were about to throw a temper tantrum. He'd noticed the weird way Kabuto revered Orochimaru; personally Sasuke believed that he would have more luck seducing the woman form of the Sennin. Only then would he be able to overpower him. Her. _It. _

Sasuke lifted a kunai from the pouch on his right thigh and pointedly dropped it with a _clank _onto the hard stone floor. Kabuto finally looked up from the ground and focussed on Sasuke.

"My apologies, Sasuke-kun," he said, sounding very insincere. "I've been trying to decide what to teach you."

The Uchiha silently bent and retrieved the kunai then waited, commending himself on his patience. Kabuto frowned a moment, then beckoned to Sasuke to follow him. Leading the way from Orochimaru's inner rooms, he brought them to a smaller room furnished only with a round table, chairs circling around it. They both sat, one across from the other. And waited.

_I came here to learn from the legendary Snake Sennin. I expected to be taught foremost by Orochimaru; forbidden jutsu and such, and learn to draw on the curse seal's power, and control it. How the hell will I kill Itachi? _Sasuke's thoughts ran rampant in the ongoing silence.

'_Itachi, meet Orochimary.'_ _Oh yes, that could freeze him in horror long enough for me to shove Chidori down his throat. _

Sasuke was just about to point out his thoughts to Kabuto –not 'Orochimary' related– and tell him the reason he'd come here, because _hello! _Sasuke had thought it obvious, his true intentions. Apparently not. The sound waves must have messed up brain waves.

_The sound waves' connected to the...brain waves. The brain waves' connected to the...spine? _Kabuto saved him from his thoughts.

"All right, Sasuke-kun. I believe I have found the perfect thing for you to learn," he began. "As you may know by now, I deal with medical arts mainly. This includes poisons, healings, anything basically related to health in any way.

"Orochimaru-sama has asked I teach you something useful. I've been trying to decide just what you need to know. What I am about to teach you may very well save your life one day. It is more helpful than being able to replenish your own blood or chakra, or even heal bones and cuts in a fight."

Kabuto saw Sasuke become minutely more interested as he leaned forward slightly from his slouch on the chair. He nodded at the boy's interest and continued.

"This is not a thing to be taken upon lightly. I see you realize that. Good. Now, I'm not a master of forbidden jutsu, like Orochimaru-sama, nor am I a prodigy like yourself. But what I do know, is common sense and how it can be used.

"It is highly probable that we will, at some point in time, come across your former teammates and that sensei of yours...uhh, Scare-a-Crow, is it? Never mind. My point, Sasuke-kun, is that you'll need to be prepared to face them and beat them. This may happen soon, as Orochimaru-sama does so love to parade and flaunt his triumphs over others. Triumph here being you. It is known by now that Konoha tends to use various poisons and such to deal with their enemies.

"Once I realized this, I began to think. So I said to myself, 'Kabuto.' Upon which I answered 'Yes, O Eloquent One?' After I blushed modestly I was able to ask myself, 'Kabuto, which poison is the Leaf nin most likely to attack with?' And I said, 'Well, I'll have to think on that, because shinobi of the Leaf tend to be tricky little blighters, don't they?' I agreed wholeheartedly.

"I figured out that I had gotten myself off topic, so with a sharp reprimand I focussed on the task at hand. And I deduced that no way would any Konoha folk just randomly splash some toxic liquid at you and expect you to go down. So, seeing as how they're tricky little blighters, I knew then that it would somehow be disguised, hidden in a way so their true intentions would not be known.

"Now Sasuke-kun, do you know the best way for one to be caught unawares in a situation from whence there is no escape? Example: drinking poison?" Kabuto answered his own question. "That's right, by mixing the poison in with a harmless liquid. Like water. By the time the poison has been ingested, it is too late to reverse the effects without proper medical aid.

"I am not going to teach you how to resuscitate yourself if you ever find yourself in a position that has caused you to ingest poison. I'd say that if that happens, then you truly are not worthy of being Orochimaru-sama's vessel, because if you can't even stop yourself from death by poison...woe betide your soul and all.

"I have delved deep into Konoha's history, into their initial function as a village. Theirs is a practice as old as Orochimaru-sama himself. Although not as well preserved. The dastardly deeds done by the early Leaf nin, and have been continued to this present day and age, are both a good and bad thing.

"What they did was mix animal fats with lye, an ingredient so caustic it caused chemical burns and blindness. Not a good thing. It wasn't until such emollients as jojoba oil were introduced to the mix that their creation was no longer so potent or harmful. Ironically enough it was Sano Masahito, a Leaf nin blinded by their earlier mixtures, who discovered the soothing qualities of the oil and such flower fragrances that soon made Konoha renowned for this product.

"The sodium laureth sulfate, which until then was harsh upon contact, was balanced out with such flower scents as cherry blossoms and its' sister flowers."

Kabuto's voice droned to a low buzz that was irritating for Sasuke to hear. He dimly wondered what the hell Kabuto was going on and on about. Any other time Sasuke had been told he would be learning some new jutsu with Orochimaru, he would have mastered it by now. Whatever Kabuto planned on teaching him, it certainly didn't sound very ominous. Sasuke was sure he had heard the word 'flower' more than once now.

And what was with all this talk about Konoha's earlier practices? Sasuke admitted it was news to him to find out that his home village had been anything other than a ninja village at any point in time.

Sasuke commenced digging his finger into the underside of the rough stone table. Then he shifted around on his cold, stiff stone chair. Kicked his heels against the hard stone floor. Tuned in to Kabuto long enough to hear "...although by the time the chelating molecules have re-arranged..." then promptly turned his ears off. It was a handy skill one of the younger Sound nins had shown him.

Then he wondered why was the entire room stone, and that included the furniture and the pictures on the walls that were just carved into stone, and even the standing lamp near the door was stone, complete with a stone shade, and yet light still shone through it. Interesting topic, open for debate, he thought. How does stone shine?

Dragging his gaze away from the stone lamp that looked like it was waving at him, Sasuke stared at Kabuto. Still talking. Perhaps Sasuke could try his hand at lip-reading. Though he could already do that quite well. That was what enabled him to have such stimulating conversations with Gaara, who had always been mouthing obscenities to himself and had, in fact, taught Sasuke many a new word without realizing it. His heart went out to Gaara, really it did.

Speaking of that blood-pumping organ, it was suddenly up in his throat when he saw Kabuto slowing down, and he began to listen as he saw that finally, he was going to teach Sasuke his dark knowledge.

Kabuto placed his elbows on the table in front of him (really, why was stone such a popular decor feature?) and tented his fingers, staring at Sasuke avidly over the top. Sasuke felt his impatience grow as Kabuto continued to stare at him, his eyebrow raising in a questioning look as he saw the Uchiha merely stare back.

_Oh shit, _Sasuke thought to himself then, finally cluing in. _He must have asked me a question...oh what the hell could he have said?_

Sasuke ran through their conversation; at least, Kabuto's time of talking at him and he pretending to listen. All right, something about cheating molecules...salty sulfur...Sasuke took this time to curse his one-track mind that had been busy marvelling at the amount of stone in the room instead of listening to Kabuto. Instead he practiced his tried and true method for dealing with situations like this, that always got him out of a predicament.

He nodded.

Then yelled inwardly when he saw a smirk tug at Kabuto's lips, leaving Sasuke to wonder what the hell he had agreed to. He was reminded of Kakashi, when they had been training for the chuunin exam months ago, and he'd tuned him out in favour of repeating his then-mantra over and over _Kill Itachi Kill Itachi Kill Itachi, _and once he nodded to whatever his old teacher had told him, subsequently found himself flying over the edge of a cliff. He really needed to pay attention. Oh well. Hindsight was always 20/20.

Kabuto laughed to himself mentally, pleased that he'd caught Sasuke unaware.

_Score one for me and one against Sasuke and his new chore: organizing Orochimaru's mirrors. It pays to have a vain master. _

"Sasuke-kun, I am sure you are eager to learn what I've decided to teach you. The time is now." Kabuto saw Sasuke lean forward more, an excited gleam in his eye.

"This is something of the utmost importance, and I urge you to remember it for future use. It will save you in any occasion, and prepare you for what those Leaf nins may try to throw at you."

Sasuke could feel himself grow excited despite his efforts to not let it show. This would be something big, he just knew it. Ha! Let's see Naruto try to best him in a fight now. Not bloody likely, what with Sasuke's know-how of forbidden jutsu and now, whatever Kabuto was about to tell him.

"I can't stress how important and relevant this is to you, Sasuke-kun. What with Konoha sure to know how to utilize their oldest technique against you, it is imperative that you know not how to counter it, but how to avoid it completely."

Sasuke knew he was _this close _to beating the revelation out of Kabuto. He was leaning forward, and Kabuto mere inches from his face as he too, came closer to Sasuke, who was vaguely reminded of his inadvertent kiss with Naruto. Now, when he was about to gain information that would prove vital in defending himself, he couldn't care less about personal space.

"The knowledge I am to impart to you, Sasuke-kun, is this,"- Kabuto paused for effect, taking a moment to revel in his vast knowledge that would be relevant and useful, and improve Sasuke as Orochimaru had asked him to, and maybe gain him some semblance of respect from the Sennin-

"Never drink soap."

**Edit** Just had to fix something that bothered me. Nothing major, though, so no worries, you don't need to read this again.


End file.
